[RallyJon]

Sounds like it's too late now. Your son's behavior means you've already lost him--to what degree I don't know. Asserting some sort of primal physical dominance may work for animals, but people are too smart for that. Keep managing your son that way and he may well grow up to despise you, rather than respect and love you (which is the goal, right?)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against spanking for discipline. But if you find you have to beat the kid to get his attention, you're WAY off the right path.

Oh, and you're absolutely right to be pissed at your wife. She made the problem much worse. Disagree with her in private maybe, but never let the kid see you argue about this sort of thing.