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I'm no Dr. Phil...
Consistancy is best, rather than mixed messages. Both parents have got to be on the same page regarding rules and responsibilities. It looks as though your son is playing one parent of against the other. I dont know if the boy is the 11 or 13 year old, but he is probably well practiced at this. After what happened, this situation is only made worse..
As for hitting kids, it is just not a good idea. They tend to grow up and get bigger, just as you are slowing down.. And they grow up see violence as a as a way to solve problems and establish status. I went through school and had more than a few fights with kids who had issues at home.. Like a good argument is lost once you yell, a good point is lost once you hit. I would never talk back to my dad EVER, and he it by force of personality.
Two times I can remember being spanked - playing in the road, I never did that again. And for hitting my sister, and boy did I deserve it!
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