I think you best bet is 2 days in San Fran and a day trip to the wine county. Great suggestion to see the show "Beach Blanket Babbylon" Spend maybe two days in Monterey. Visit 17mile drive around pebble beach, maybe even play poppy hills in Carmel while your wife gets a massage. You could stay at the Double tree hotel or Embasssy Suites in Montery, although as mentioned "The Highlands is much nicer, but $$$
http://www.poppyhillsgolf.com/
Houston's Rutherford grill is a great palce for lunch in Napa.
http://www.rutherfordgrill.com/
Although a more romantic picnic lunch can be had at V.Sattui winery. They have a great deli. Buy some wine, cheese and meat and have lunch on the beautiful grounds.
http://www.vsattui.com/
For San Franciso
http://www.bestofsanfrancisco.net/restaurants.htm
http://www.cityscaperestaurant.com - really great view and very good food
http://www.hotelnikkosf.com simply beautiful