Yesterday I spent 1.5 hours with my arm up to the shoulder in the fireplace flue trying to fish a goddamn dove out of our chimney.
In the process of figuring out how to do this I grabbed a branch from one of our palm trees (an unopened seed pod frond to use as a "fishing rod") and as I did so a baby dove came catapulting out of the tree into our pool...quickly scooped him out and watched the sodden thing sail parabolically onto the ground. Now he's dead. Probably would've gotten caught in the chimney, anyway.
Finally grabbed the chimney resident (my wife was sitting on top of the chimney with a flashlight, giving me pointers/directions/encouragement), walked outside, and HURLED that mofo into the air. He got up at least 40 feet before he spread his wings and started flying.
I'm not a very good vegetarian, am I?
