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Here's my IRS tale;
I was "randomly" picked for a full audit in 2002. I was assigned to 3 hungry IRS agents who started an inquiry will all the enthusiasm of a CSI team at a triple homicide. I instructed them to direct all inquiries to my accountant, as I didn't even understand the questions they were asking.
My accountant is extremely conservative, so I probably pay more taxes than I should. Anyway, after a three day strip-search the IRS came up with NOTHING. Not a damn thing. The lead auditor called me at home and told me that they would surely come up with something very expensive very soon, but if I would agree to a "negotiated settlement" of $5,000, they would stop the audit. He explained that my accounting fees might be much more than that if he continued the audit. I calmly asked him to put his offer in writing so I could have him arrested for extortion.
The audit was stopped. I paid no penalties or fines. They can kiss my big, hairy arse.
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My work here is nearly finished.
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