[Overpaid Slacker]

Old enough to know better, and stupid enough to do it anyway! Does that run in your family?

I was a bit shocked when I read that you turned your daughter in to the police; I don't know that your relationship will recover from that maneuver. I don't mean to condemn your actions (I don't have kids and don't want 'em) but simply to say that I do not understand and can't empathize with them. So, to my mind, you've put yourself in a cul-de-sac.

how do you punish a 16 y/o without making them rebel even further and possibly doing something stupid out of spite?

Not this way; and you've taken a step that can't be taken back.

However, do whatever you can do -- really, whatever you can do -- to rectify the situation before this child leaves for college. Too often I saw girl friends of mine, whose parents put the clamps on them during high school, get to college and go nuts. Some of them were very bright girls too. Needless to say, there are boys out there who know enough to look for these powderkegs of frustration, rebellion and libido and try to enjoy the ride, so to speak.

As David said, this is a very idiosyncratic situation, and there are no universal panaceas that fix every situation. I'm loathe to offer platitudes and one-size-fits-all "Frazier" advice, other than as set forth above.

If this all transpired last week, you're going to need to allow her to cool off for a while before attempting to mend any fences. No matter what I screwed up as a kid I knew I'd be punished, but I also knew that my parents would stand with me against the rest of the world. She's got to feel betrayed and very lonely right now.

Good luck, and I hope what you have done turns out to be the right thing to have done.

JP