[mikester]

It's pretty ballsy to go to the cops - clearly you're serious.

What is the history of your disciplining your daughter? Honestly I can't fault you for doing what you did and it seems like you did it in a thought out manner so that the consequences would not haunt her publicly for life but simply while she's a minor. The facts are - regardless of how anyone feels about pot - what she did was illegal and inappropriate for a highschool age teenager. You had every right to instill some consequences to her behavior - in fact - it's your obligation to do so as her parent.

As I asked earlier though - what is the history of discipline with the girl? Are you all of a sudden coming down hard or has she flaunted it historically? Do you and your wife present a unified front or is there tension between your opinions on punishment and consequences that your daughter can take advantage of?

Aren't the courts going to question your parenting as well? Shouldn't you be providing some sort of punishment at home first and foremost? THAT is where I would start - regardless of the legal consequences she has violated your trust in her in that you allow her to use a car and such. She should not have the priviledge any longer. Contrite as it may seem she should also no longer be allowed to watch TV and be officially grounded. No phone; no socializing as far as I would be concered I'd be happy to take her to the library to get her a book to read in her room - quietly. At least until her day in court is resolved. Just because the police are involved does not absolve you of your parental duties to instill upon her proper values and judgement. If I were the judge that would be the first thing I would ask: "What have you - the mother and father - done to punish her besides calling the police?"

Furthermore - more generally there are those that refer to having "control" over a child. Bear in mind I'm a young parent but looking back on my childhood I don't feel my parents had "control" over me at any time. I made my fair share of mistakes - some even involving the law but for the most part I made choices that I take (and still take) responsibility for based on what my parents taught me of right and wrong. The times I did wrong - I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway regardless of the consequences and no amount of fear (and I was quite afraid of my father at times) stopped me. I don't belive it's about control; I believe it is about instilling that ability to choose between right and wrong early on. Children will make mistakes and they should have consequences but control I don't believe is the issue.