This just in:
(AP) In a move that caught no one by surprise, President Bush today announced the creation of a new office falling under the umbrella of the Department of Homeland Security. The new entity is the Federal Office of eXaggeration (FOX). With the creation of this new office monies previously allocated through security black budgets may now flow freely to FOX without fear of public disclosure damaging the already tenuous reign of error known as the Bush Administration. FOX will be funded at a rate of $25 billion per year, with the money earmarked for promoting any and all agendas, thoughts, ideas, and wild ass schemes thought of by the man affectionately known to the American people as “The Little Freak From Texas.” There is also a demand FOX present, a minimum of six times a week, discussions with (or simply pictures of) the immoral little Newt Gingrich to impress upon Americans that he WILL BE the Republican candidate for President, in 2008.
Separate funds, ranging from $1 million to $5 million dollars, will be allocated to various FOX personnel. For example Bill O’Reilly, Master Bush Apologist and well known prevaricator, will be paid $5 million annually as the Director of Mis-Information (there is a separate bonus built into O’Reilly’s package that will up his payments depending upon how many times he tells people to Shut Up!). Sean Hannity, a well-known Nazi hack and Right Wing Shouting Head, will be paid approximately $2.5 million, with bonuses based on out-right lies and innuendos. Ann Coulter, the FOX minority she-male and world renown screecher, will receive a salary of $1 million dollars, with no bonus offers in place. The Bush Administration countered charges of sexism in the Coulter pay scale with, “Is he a man, or is he a woman? Without a clear establishment of gender, Mr/Ms Coulter cannot defend sexism in his/her salary structure.” Coulter, who has long been the darling of guys who love Chicks-With-Dicks could not be reached for comment.
