What do I expect in return? Absolutely NOTHING.
Is that what I get? On the contrary, I get EVERYTHING I ever wanted, and THEN I get more!
See, the trick is that my wife also feels she needs to give me everything she is capable of, and expect nothing in return.
That is the key to a successful relationship, IMHO. In the other thread I stated some very noble sounding guidelines for what a man should do in a marriage relationship, but I failed to reveal the other side of the equation: in my relationship, Kim gives me so much more that she makes me want to give her more! If I may quote Jack Nicholson from "As Good As it Gets,"
[Kim] makes me want to be a better man.
It all goes back to AGAPE love. This love is selfless and expects nothing in return. The way AGAPE love works in a marriage relationship is like this: if both partners are in (AGAPE) love -- then the relationship will always grow and be dynamic. If only one person is in AGAPE, and the other doesn't have a self-less love, then the relatioship will fall apart.
I've often heard preachers state, "Marriage is a 50/50 relationship." You give 50 percent, and your spouse gives 50 percent, and the result is a 100 percent relationship. I disagree with that ideal. I think a marriage is more like, "I give 100 percent." Period. End of story. (IE: there is no expectation from the other side). The trick is -- if both partners agree to give 100 percent into the relationship, instead of a "100 percent" relationship, you wind up with a 200 percent relationship.
Ok, I'm going to bring in some of this Bible stuff again - but please bear with me -- this concept can be applied to all relationships. Back in the Old Teastament, God made an agreement with Abraham -- a covenant.
Some background:
Back in ancient times, when two kingdoms or peoples made an agreement with each other, they would take livestock from both camps, and kill them. Then they would split the dead carcasses in half. Then, both parties of the covenant would walk between the dead animals. This act would bind the two parties in the covenant. The significance of this ceremony was this:
If I do not live up to my side of the covenant, you may do with me as we have done to these animals. That's quite a visual representation of an agreement, don't you think?
Are you still with me? Here we go...
So, when God made a covenant with Abraham (Abram, actually) He had Abram kill a three year old heifer, female goat, ram, a turtledove and a pigeon. He directed Abram to line up the animals as they did in those times. Now here's where something interesting happens: as God and Abram are ready to 'do the walk' through the animals, God puts Abram to sleep, and he has a vision. In his vision, Abram sees a smoking oven (pot) go between the dead animals. Then he also sees a burning torch go through.
The smoking oven represents God. His side of the coventant was to bless Abram and his decendence. He 'walked through' the animals to signify that He will hold up his side of the deal.
Now, what does the burning torch represent? Abram? Actually, no. It also represents God. WHAT?!? Are you saying that God walked through the animals TWICE, and Abram didn't walk through at all? Exactly. Here's the significantce: God walked through the animals stating He will uphold his side of the covenant. Then He walked through a second time, and the significance of that is that God will uphold His side of the covenant. Period. There were no requirements put upon Abram! God essentially said, "I will uphold my coventant with you, even if you do not uphold your side of the agreement." I will give you 100 percent, and expect nothing in return. Indeed, God has kept his covenant with Abram and his descendants to this day.
Now, take what God did and apply it to a marriage covenant. Imagine on your wedding day, your bride walking through carcasses that have been cut in two, thus stating that if she breaks her coventant with you, you have every right to do to her what have been done to the animals. NOW imagine your bride walking through a second time -- and by so doing saying that she will still hold up her side of the covenant with no expectations on your behalf -- wouldn't that drive home the concept of sacrifical and selfless love?
NOW -- if both parties are willing to do this - to walk through the carcasses twice, and expect nothing in return -- there is a relationship that is starting with the right perspective. But that is only the beginning...
Sorry for the lenghly disortation on the concept of a covenant -- hope it made you think a little about marriage...
-Zoltan.
PS: I would check with the custodial staff of the place where you will get married prior to bringing dead cows, goats, rams into your wedding ceremony -- all that blood is hard to clean up!
