[juanbenae]

My fellow pelican birds of a feather, I have gathered you all around to ask you to share your wisdom with me, for I am wise in some areas, but simple in others. I have witnessed many healing, kind, noble acts performed by the community that is PP OT, helping some to determine if they have battered their family, others if they should get off cigarettes, sloppy women, buy the bike of their dream, what the growth is on their prostate is about. I know most of your views of the world and it’s politic’s., yet still consider your advice worthy of consideration. I have seen product recommendation, marital advise solicited, and received, moral issues defined, cheap shots hurled, absorbed, if prescription drugs are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or if they should have their offspring’s crank diced and sliced like a fillet. Some like to show how smart they are, others, we continue to show how stupid we can be, and the rest just kinda fit in between.

I wish my query was something as simple as a wart on my hog, if more salad would help move my bowls more consistently, if chewing my meals better might make me appreciate my healthy teeth more, or if I was to fall would this community hear me hit bottom?

For the record, I have not hit bottom, at least as far as i can tell. First off, if pops visits and reads this I am sorry you had to hear about this in this forum, but I suspect you will be no less happy for our entire family. Others losing interested about now get comfy cause the goods are coming along shortly, after all this is my thread and in do time.

So anyway, you guys are pretty familiar with me and what I am all about. I think there are many local guys that will tell you my board act is close to my actual self, and that I am an acquired taste to be taken in moderation. I am 39, single (more about this soon), have a 911, dog, a good job, and I am the most selfish person most of my friends and family know. Not like stingy selfish, but what makes me happy is my objective, and if I wanna drop $2k on my car I don’t have to check with anyone except my credit limit..

Ok to the chase. I have impregnated my girlfriend of 4+ years in the last couple months. We talked and I was taking full speed runs at the goal trying to slip one by. Some will say I should have asked for your views in this matter prior to leaving the guy embedded when it bubbled over. I really have wanted a kid for some time but was never able to find the complete package in a woman that would have me. Well this one will, and has had me and we will be having a baby in march of 06. I am ecstatic one second, and shatting myself the next. Returning to my selfishness and to introduce you to the woman that’d carry my demon seed. She’s a great lady that has left me alone enough that we’ve lasted nearly 5 years together. I have never been head over heals, crazy, I can’t spend a moment without, all I have is yours kinda thing for her.

I love her, but does this child require me to marry here? She would never say ( did I mention she was low maintenance?) that I had too, but I know she’d be better with it that way. I don’t want to treat this like a business decision, yet my gut says protect all I’ve worked so hard for. A couple friends are going through nasty divorces currently, and all of a sudden my bachelorism is genius in their eyes. I have a lot of equity in my house, very good insurance once the kids is hatched and suspect once my offspring is in my arms I’d give any of it up to make it’s life comfortable. The birthing and prenatal would not be covered until I am named of the birth certificate so that would cost my friends and family’s most selfish character a bit of change. Marrying her tomorrow covers the medical cost from that day on.

I do not object to having her closer and move in for the entire process, and raise our family while being a full blown daddy. kinda welcome the oppertunity. I don’t want to be married though. She has a checkered tax past that I am aware of, some credit issues, and has worked as a nanny since we’ve met. She is very good with kids and would be a great mom, but I don’t see a big income potential in the near future. Not that this is a deal breaker, but what if I have to pay her to raise our kid after she’s taken it from me. I would hate to taint the whole thing by resisting marriage, get her pissed and begin to push her away, and possibly begin a long fight to see my kid, while paying out my ace to have her raise it without me being involved, per her choice should it come to that.

I have considered a pre-nump but am not sure this would be any easier to forge than flat out refusing to marry her, after all she has quit drinking. I would not know where to begin to get a pre-nump drawn up, or find a positive way to open the subject. I am prepared, even eager to support her and the child and have them in my life. I am just afraid if I make it look like my self perceived fortune is the priority she might be pushed away and do what I’ve explained above in keeping me from the child.

so in review, my girl is pregnant, by design, and I expect the decisions I make in the next few months will effect two famines, a child due for this world, my and sweety’s happiness and the rest of my/our lives. Most that know me say I should treat it like a business decision and not be married, after all ive always recommended the bottom line to them in big decissions. she won’t tell anyone about this bun because she tells me the 1st questions she will have to answer is when do we get hitched, and/or why i won't or dont want to.

Some will pile on, and I am sure I deserve it, but I would welcome the opportunity to sort through the stones that will be thrown for some answers and insight.

i want this kid, but as the most selfish person I know I want it my way and the rest of you can adjust your lives to make mine confy. have i errored, and whats the fix?

tia