Quote:
Originally posted by gassy
Do not get married for your child's sake. You can still be a wonderful father. I went through a divorce with two young kids. Divorces are no fun, aside from the financial black hole they leave you in. You said you don't want to get married. Then don't. A ton of people that WANT to get married end up getting a divorce. Going into a marriage when you're not really sure is definitely spelling disaster. Being married does not make you a better father. Most may think I'm jaded because I went through a divorce--I'm not. I'm remarried and everything is fantastic. You get married because you want to, not because social norms suggest that you do. You have a major commitment to your baby. That needs to be the #1 priority. You don't have to give up your life just because you're going to be a dad. It's a balance. You can't define your life by your child's. Again, it's a balance. Congratulations. A child is an amazing thing. Don't get married if you don't want to. It's 2005. That baby isn't going to be loved any less by its parents just because they're not married.
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Never read a more thoroughly conflicted, disjointed, confused treatise on parenthood than this one.
"If you don't want to get married, don't", immediately followed by "The child needs to be #1 priority." Then the height of implausibility, "Being married does not make you a better father." Of course it does! But you know that.
The single greatest predictor of lifelong poverty is having a baby out of wedlock.
Children whose fathers marry their mothers are less likely to use drugs, go to jail or be homeless, while children whose parents are married are more likely to graduate college.
Being a part-time parent is not the ideal blueprint for raising secure happy kids. You need to be there every day. You have to be there for the bad dreams, the skinned knees and the first heartbreak. You need to guide them through their first tough decisions and see them through their first failures.
I understand that divorce happens and life never really works out the way we plan it, but to start your parenthood with no real commitment to your new family is robbing you and your child of a beautiful opportunity.