Nostatic,
This is a somewhat unexpected yet thoughtful thread among us mostly male petrol heads. Especially from the Land of Dr Phil !
However, being divorced - 4 kids, for six years now I can fully appreciate your concern. I am a pediatrician and my ex is a nurse in a pediatric clinic. That didnīt help...
I will not write a boOK on the subject, plenty of great input already. In my humble experience there is however ONE single factor that will make all the difference to the children's well being. That is perhaps also the most difficult part.
I am talking about the need for the kids to feel that the two people in the world they love most and are utterly dependent on, are friends and working together for the well being of their children. If the children that readily take on the blame for bad things happening in the family also have to split their loyalty between the parents, no matter how good a father you try to be they will feel unhappy. They need to know everything is OK within the "old" family. If they do, they can take pretty much anything and still feel secure.
Just my 2 Swedish crowns..