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Kevin, sorry to hear. There is a play by Sarah Kane (who committed suicide) called, "4:48 Psychosis". Supposedly 4:48am is the most common time for someone to commit suicide.
As to your question, I've pondered it a lot. I've seen a lot of miserable 4:48s in my life. But for whatever reason, I keep pushing on. There is a reason that I didn't die back during the lost years, and why I made it through xmas eve 1983 to see today. I still don't know the reason, but as they say, "more will be revealed..."
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