[singpilot]

One of my best friends, who I flew with for years at an airline told me about his experience. He and I were the two practical jokers (usually on each other) in the entire airline. He was (is) married to a vascular surgeon at a large teaching hospital. After their 3rd child was born, she said that's it. He was given the options of the Big V, or a life of marital celibacy.

Like Legion, I am sitting here, as I type, almost crossed legs, with that hollow feeling where the boys rest. Todd knew, in spite of being best friends, I was not the person to talk to about this situation he was in. I mean we had talked about the most incredibly personal things (her getting an extra stitch after the last daughter in order to 'tighten things up'... I mean not much was off topic there. But it wasn't until he was 3 months down the celibacy program that he confessed about the need for a couple of days off next month for the procedure. Of course, I was relentless, every opportunity to make a small crack (pardon the pun..).

Unbeknownst to me, his wife was waaaaay ahead of me.

The day before the procedure, she called me and asked if I could round up as many of his friends as possible to show up at the hospital at noon. And that Todd was not to know anything about it. I did.

Todd showed up at the hospital at 11 the next day, and was ushered into the prep room. He said they gave him a sedative and a open backed gown and told him to get comfortable. 30 minutes later, his wife showed up with a gurney and got him to lie on it. 2 big orderlies came in, and put the arm and leg restraints on him, very forcefully. He said he knew he was in trouble when she started giggling. They wheeled him into another room where the two most gorgeous interns she could find took the gown off and proceeded to shave him with a straight razor, all the while chatting about a really bad blind date one of them had been on the night before. About what asses men are and maybe they should just give up on men alltogether. The entire time handling his equiptment roughly, and whipping this blade around his shaving cream-covered lower body. When they were done, an icy cold rinse, and a short trip to the operating theatre (literally) where every friend, neighbor, co-worker, and victim of his many pranks were hanging over the railing while giving him a standing ovation. He was covered by a solitary washcloth.

The team of surgeons was every one of her friends, and they even did the pulling the tube thing up so everyone could see. Most of the squeamish (myself included) had adjourned to the waiting room, but I understand there is a way to manipulate the tube and make the leg and arm on that side twitch in unison. Was demonstrated for all to see.

His wife had repaid him for 12 years of pranksterism in one fell swoop. His emotional recovery was much more protracted than the physical one.