[imcarthur]

A retired persons day:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop in Winchester Street. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a warden writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So I called him a piece of dog ****. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't give a sh$t. I came into town by bus! But I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

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A young father is heading home from work one evening, looking forward to seeing his wife and kids. On a dark country road, he collides with a deer and kills it. Unsure of what what to do next, he decides to throw the dead deer into his car and to take it home with him.

When he gets home he tells his wife and together they agree that the best thing to do is simply to skin it and prepare it for the evening meal.

Later that evening, the kids sit down for dinner and ask their mother "Mummy, what is this?". She replies, "Just try it, you'll like it, it's nice". The kids ask again so their mother decides to give them a clue. "OK - It's got a name which is the same as a name Mummy sometimes calls Daddy".

The youngest child jumps up, alarmed and shouts "don't eat it, don't eat it - its an arsehole!"

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Friendship between women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.