[legion]

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*&* down.

President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s&*& from anybody.