[imcarthur]

Rejected titles for Brokeback Mountain...

PRANCES WITH WOLVES
JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON
THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID
PAINT YOUR WANGON
HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
THE WILD BRUNCH
HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON
THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
VERY RAW HIDE
LONESOME DOUG
THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN
MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES
QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
BAREBACK MOUNTING
BONE-NANZA
DON'T MESS WITH TEX'S ASS
HOME ON THE RANGER
OKLAHOMO
ROOSTER COCKBURN
LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
BALONEY PONY RODEO
TUBESTEAK COWBOYS
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE FABULOUS
SILVER-ROD-OWWW

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A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and soon the building was engulfed in flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the president of the chemical company rushed to the fire chief and explained that all of the company's secret formulas were in a safe in the center of the plant.

He said he would pay a bonus of $50,000 if they could recover the safe.

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off, and soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became increasingly desperate.

As additional firefighters arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department that could recover the company's safe.

Then, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural Volunteer Fire Company comprised mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down firetruck, operated by these old Norwegians, passed all the newer and sleek firetrucks parked outside the burning plant - - - and to everyone's shock it drove straight into the middle of the inferno!

All the other firefighters watched in awe as the Norwegian old-timers jumped off their truck and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norwegian old-timers had exited the fire and the company's safe was found intact.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly Norwegian fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on camera and asked the Norwegian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"