[bigchillcar]

joe and ice,
thanks for the words..even coming from relative strangers through the internet, i can't miss their heartfelt nature. truly, thank you. it's not so much that she's a complete 'gold digger'..she just got tired of waiting to see if i'd ever heal. on the other hand, she has fibromyalgia, heart complications, and it never occurred to me to wait and see if she'd improve or leave her. it isn't easy loving someone with the anxiety and depression cycles with ptsd..i guess it just isn't for everyone..and she'd already buried a husband she'd watched die a little more each day from hodgkin's disease. it's just been a chore to find a new niche, start over and work happily and consistently the past couple of years. last year i was just about paralyzed with it and hardly worked at all. i've been studying to test to become a certfied strength and conditioning specialist..it's a glorifed personal trainer in a sense, but not an easy exam. i've worked out and strength-trained for 25 years, so it's something i know..at this point i'm just looking for ways to survive and have just quit dreaming. maybe if i get really lucky and my book gets published, best case scenario i could get a book deal lined up that would actually pay me to start writing again..who knows. joe, i am familiar with the sport pilot license. i guess i'm hoping one day when i'm older and healthier, i might return to instructing. it was my first love, even above being a lear driver. little airplanes are a lot of fun, but right now i just think i'm going to keep myself grounded for a while. thanks again for the support. i'll certainly remember who you guys are.
best,
ryan