[dhoward]

Originally posted by North Coast Cab
Oh boy, I hope there are no April Fools jokes around my way. Like Moses it is my birthday, and like dhowards wife, it is my 40th...............................

John

Happy birthday. You're officially invited to the party!
Here's the invitation that got sent out....

“Great. Another party at Dan’s. And no doubt another 3 page diatribe describing it”
Yes that’s right. The weather’s getting better. The days are getting longer. It’s time for a party. And a diatribe. (Look it up.)
But not just any party.
“But Dan, we’ve heard that before. Why is this party special? I mean, Dale’s already about as old as he can get!”
True. But this April, besides being time for my annual buggering from Uncle Sam, marks the 40th anniversary of Monet’s entrance into This cold, hard, world.
That’s right.
40th Birthday Party.
Hmm. What to do? Well, since it’s spring(ish), barbeque, deteriorating into a sloppy, scandalous drunkfest. Since it’s Monet’s birthday, I guess we will have to pretend to have some sort of theme like, I dunno, a person getting old and decrepit? Gifts are not required, but should you desire, please make sure they are in poor taste. Gifts powered by batteries are always appreciated.
(Although not due to any shortcomings on my part, let me assure you.)
“When is this deal, anyway?”
April 1st. How appropriate. Let’s start at say 3:00. That gives some people time to show up, pay their respects, and get the hell out before the fun starts. You know who you are. For the rest of us, it’s still 3:00, just be aware that if you show up late you can’t make fun of the people who left early. Even though you know who they are.

Where is it? I guess I should already know….
That’s right. It’s at our house. While I find it an incredible hassle to set one of these deals up, I find it much less of a hassle crashing when I feel like it, leaving the rest of you to carry on if you want. I also don’t have to make stops at Jack-in-the-box and Taco Bell on the way home from some dive bar at closing time when all of the coppers in St. Charles County are looking for my ass. But I digress…

House Rules
Those of you who have attended events at our asylum understand the rules and ramifications. For those of you who haven’t:
As is customary, I will provide various meats, beer and a suitable venue for typical adult carryings-on. You bring yourself, your favorite side dish (please be a little creative. If you can’t be creative, then buy something for chrissakes…), and anything odd you may want to drink, smoke, snort, shoot or otherwise absorb. I will have a limited quantity of various wines, but don’t expect much since the last party found an empty bottle of Opus One next to a broken bottle of cheap tequila. I now hide my good wine when I have guests. At least you guys. Please bring your spouse or significant other, but not both. Unless they are both hot. And female. Hot-tub web cams ARE BACK ON-LINE! Did I say that out loud? Bring a swimsuit or not. Disposable razors for those quick touch-ups will, as always, be available. Concealable firearms must be declared, and made safe.
“Dan’s Party Rules © 2001”

“Fine. But just where is Dan and Monet’s House of Debauchery™?”
Not tricky, but those of you who have never crossed the bridge, pay attention. From I-70 and 270 take I-70 west across the Missouri river to First Capitol Drive (highway 94). Go south (left) on 94 past 5 (five) stoplights. After the fifth light, (Portwest) stay in the right lane to the sixth, which is Heritage Crossing. Make a right onto heritage crossing, get in the left lane and turn left on Hackman road. Make the first left into the subdivision onto Santa Ynez. Go to the first stop sign and make a right onto Rodeo. Take the first left onto Labrea. Follow Labrea around the curve to my house. 2853 LaBrea Drive. If you're coming from any other direction, extrapolate.
Free parking!
If you see valet parking, don’t use it. We don’t have valet parking.

Disclaimer:
This event is in no way endorsed by, associated with, or approved by the following companies or organizations:
Express Scripts, Inc., Walt Disney Studios, The International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, MADD, PETA, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Greenpeace, Department of Homeland Security, The Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, Burger King, or Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
Host and Hostess not responsible for itching, swelling, burning, rash, or mild mucous membrane irritation.
WARNING:
Participants in this event may be exposed to materials known as carcinogens by the state of California.
Exposure may also include but is not limited to:
Levels of alcohol toxic to the human body, Loud music, jet fuel, gambling, mud wrestling, unauthorized tattooing, indiscriminate nudity, profane language, random body piercing, off-color humor, arrest and prosecution by local authorities, disorientation, mood swings, spousal rejection, diarrhea and vomiting.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.