[Don Ro]

This deal is far more common than most consider. And it's deadly serious.
The symptoms and many suggestions put forth here are spot-on!
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I've been self-employed since '79...have gone through 3 burnouts in that period.
My last burnout became depression, based on my knowledge of the symptoms.
All the info I gathered, from my psych friends and my readings, gave me agreement, and was helpful.
My last bout (5 - 6 yrs. ago) was the worst.
I ran my business by remote control - at one point I didn't leave the house for over 2 weeks.
I would call my field boss a few nights/week to give instructions.

Here's how bad it got for me:
I went 6 months w/o sending out any invoices - I hate paperwork, but it got really bad during this period.
Minor achievements, like cutting my fingernails, became huge - 'was like I had just reached the top of Mt. Everest.
Then one morning, I dropped the cap of the toothpaste tube on the floor...and all hell broke loose.
I looked down and said, "Oh *****."
I went down to pick it up, and my body just continued down until there I was, totally on the floor sobbing.
To fetch that cap was just another "obligation" piled on top of the load of all the other obligations from which I was hiding out. It was pathetic and painful.
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My psych friends (psychiatrist, psychologist, etc.) told me that meds may work, but I would be much better off if I could work through it w/o them...if not, then consider them. I support anyone who wishes to do meds, BTW.

So what I did was to allow myself to surrender to the impoverished state of mind.
I discovered that, at some level, I liked being depressed because then I had a reason to avoid my obligations.
At first, there was a queer form of liberation in that surrender.
BUT, once in that state of surrender, it became very clear to me that I could lose my business, home, and property if I didn't get on w/some sort of fight. Surrendering eventually scared the ***** outa me.
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Fortunately for me (and like many of you), I was raised with a strong work ethic and I began to become embarrassed at my willingness to be depressed. To me, that's what is was, a willingness to collapse into depression w/o putting up a fight.
I also noticed that it wasn't smart to wait until the motivation showed up to physically work out, and to get on with the job of completing my obligations. So I *forced* myself to do minor things one at a time...hoping that from that I would gain some "Grace" little by little and return to some sense of personal achievement and Value.

It was a slow painful process for me, many set-backs, but I remained steadfast with my "To Do" list and goals.
When I had zero motivation, I would say to myself, "You can feel bad and whine all you like, it's OK. But you're coming along with me as I get these things done. WTF will happen to you if you simply set about getting things done? Some big-ass monster gwine come along and toss your sorry ass up against the wall?"
Some times I would have tears running down my face as I did paperwork, did my laundry, and worked the business, etc.
What I faced within myself was that I simply did not have a choice. I just could not accept the consequences of remaining in that state of mind.

Oh, and I went the alcohol route, too. That made it worse.
Each morning after, I would suffer the internal betrayal, create another agreement w/myself, yet drink again at night.
The journey through and out of this entire ordeal became a deep spiritual practice for me.
No religiosity was involved.
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Well, that's some of my story. Thanks for sharing, all.
Good luck, brothers.