http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5067a_qa.html
"Abusive behavior usually begins when a couple tries to resolve a conflict the wrong way. Instead of finding a solution that meets the conditions of the Policy of Joint Agreement (never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse), an effort is made by one spouse to force a solution on the other. Resistance to the proposal is matched by increasing force until the spouse browbeats the other into submission. Every fight is an example of abuse because it uses the tactic of emotional or physical force to resolve a conflict instead of respect and thoughtfulness.
The Love Busters -- angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments and selfish demands -- are all examples of the way one spouse tries to force his or her will onto the other. They can all be regarded as abusive ways to resolve conflicts because they all cause pain and suffering. In fact, whenever a decision is made that fails to take the feelings of the other spouse into account, a case can be made for abuse. "