[LeRoux Strydom]

Livi,

you are asking very profound questions that are not easily answered. There are many glib answers, probably none of which will satisfy you at this stage.

I believe, however, that you have to start looking for your real purpose in life, at the end of which people would say that you have made a difference in your time here. What that purpose is, is for you to find out. There are many religious viewpoints (I share the protestant Christian viewpoint, btw.), but a very practical perspective is that you appear to be in a position to offer service to your fellow humans in a very unique way, being a paediatrician (and a gifted one, I can tell from your posts). Living your life in service of others who need it in whatever form, is in my opinion the most rewarding to yourself and to them. Only you can tell what and to whom that service should be. I know you have children. I also have three little curtain-hangers, and the greatest reward to me is to offer what I have (time, experience, wisdom, money etc.) to help them become better human beings with their own purposes in life. Their meaningful lives will perhaps be the only monuments that I will build for myself that will remain when I have departed this life.

May I offer another glib answer from a religious (Christian) perspective?
Rick Warren suggests that a person has 5 reasons to live:
Worship - i.e. acknowledge whomever/whatever (God, if you want?) made all this including you for whatever reason,
Fellowship - sharing your life with other people (if only your kids?),
Discipleship - continually becoming a better person yourself with higher moral standards, having some other person/deity as your moral example,
Ministry - teaching/serving other people (children) in your own beliefs or value systems,
Mission - (this is where the religion part really comes in.....) converting another soul for your chosen belief/value/system/religion.

Why can you not find this level of meaning in your career or with your kids? I know you are going through tough times in the marital/spousal department, all this must be heavy going for you at the moment. Do you have an outlet for all this stress?

Best of luck!

Le Roux