Heard an interview a year or so ago with Jon Kabat-Zinn. Thought about what he said, but pretty much forgot about it. Heard the same interview a month or two ago, and actually had to pull over and listen. He discussed much of what you are pondering here.
I bought his book "Wherever you go, there you are", and I can honestly say it's changed how I approach many things in my day to day life. I won't bother trying to summarize, but I do suggest you give him a shot.
FWIW, he is not some flakey new age granola eater.
EDIT:
Found the radio interview, it's 52 minutes long.