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You're not going to like my answer.
When a woman wants a baby, it's not the same as wanting a new car or a new house. It can be a visceral longing. To deny a child to a woman who wants one badly is sewing seeds of discontent. When I got married, I was in grad school planning a career as a professor. Somehow I got a burning desire to switch gears and go to med school. That meant eight more years of poverty and a lifetime of 80 hour work weeks. NOT what my wife signed up for. In her wisdom, she recognized that it would be wrong to deny me my dream, even though it meant a lot of sacrifice on her part.
At the age of 43, with two healthy kids age 9 and 11 my wife told me she wanted another baby. I went through all the same feelings you are having. Every damned one. In the end, I could not deny my wife the baby she needed. Our daughter is 5 now and I cannot imagine our lives without her. We have been blessed beyond measure.
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My work here is nearly finished.
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