[nostatic]

This thread directly speaks to me, but with a slightly different twist. I have a 9 year old (who was not planned) who came along when I was 35. Since ending the marriage, I've been dating, and had two long-term relationships (5 months and just shy of a year). The first ended and the second has been shaken, in no small part, due to them wanting to eventually start a family and me saying, "sorry, btdt, and it wasn't pretty." (I'll be 45 in Sept) Now I know there are deep seated psych issues behind my not wanting to have kids, but the reality is that I could follow some other foilblies and cave into my partner and have a kid just to please her. But I only started getting my life back the last few years. It could be due to the fact that I functioned as a de facto single parent for the first 6 or so years as my ex was doing 80 hour weeks. Or maybe I'm just a selfish b@stard. Either way, while I have at least learned to never say never, the thought of having another baby just makes me recoil in fear.

I've been around all sides of this, and with my last g/f we recently split over this issue, are now back together, but it is a murky pool right now. There aren't really any negotiations I can find...it is a digital decision. And Moses is spot on...this is biological for a woman. When I go to the playground with my son I see some of the young kids and think they're cute and occasionally will get a paternal twinge. But that is about it. No waves of desire to father a child. Maybe that will change as I work on some other things...time will tell.

So maybe you don't have to hit the divorce attorney yet. Maybe give yourself some time and/or see a shrink and try to get at what your issues are around the kid thing. Best of luck...this is one of the stickiest decisions/situations that couples face imho.