[Leader]

The British are now feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
bombings and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 - when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been officially re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a
"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the Great Fire of London in 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it had raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels
in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and
excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing." Two more levels remain,
"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides."

The Germans, wishing to stay in lock-step with their neighbors, have
also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to
"dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher alert levels:
"invade a neighbour" and "lose."