[svonkampen]

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped
> my
> > pants. She dropped her
> > price.
> > I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no
> respect.
> > I told him, "I've
> > swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told
> me
> > to have a few drinks and
> > get some
> > rest.
> > I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was
> > rejection. My yo-yo, it never
> > came back!
> > When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I
> was
> > kidnapped, and the
> > kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We
> > want five thousand dollars
> > or you'll
> > see your kid again."
> > Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he
> > leaves a pyramid in every
> > room.
> > With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps
> > barking at the front door. He
> > don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
> > What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my
> arm!
> > Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him,
> "Doc, I
> > keep thinking I'm a
> > dog." He told me to get off his couch.
> > I worked in a pet store and people kept asking
> how
> > big I'd get.
> > My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
> we
> > met.
> > I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think
> alike.
> > She donates money to the
> > homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
> > One night I came home. I figured, let my wife
> come
> > on. I'll play it cool.
> > Let her make the first move. She went to
> Florida.
> > I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on
> the
> > lake. He told me, "Wait
> > til it gets warmer."
> > My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I
> drink
> > in front of a mirror.
> > I
> > drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew
> > blood. He ran a tab.
> > When I was born the doctor came out to the
> waiting
> > room and said to my
> > father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we
> > could...but he pulled
> > through."
> > I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War
> my
> > great uncle fought for
> > the west!
> > My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and
> they
> > caught him stealing
> > pens.

SvK