[speeder]

ALL successful marriages are based on the concept of starting a new family, with the husband and wife + any children being the members of it. The "old families" are hopefully along for the ride and everyone is still close, (this is optimal and a great source of support in life), but the old family must never surpass the new family in influence or importance, IMO, for a marriage to work.

I am seeing this now in my family as my sister and her husband are in a low-grade beef w/ my parents that is making the holidays a drag, but I grudgingly admire that she puts her husband and their "new family" ahead of consideration for my mother, who can be a little controlling. It's painful and not at all simple, (if I have made it sound like it), but the chips are falling where they must for my sister to stay married and her 3 kids to have 2 parents in the house. If I was married and my in-laws were not cool to me in a way that affected my primary relationship, they would get the boot. If my wife was not on my side, boot her too. Asians do not seem to respect the new family concept, from what I hear on this board, plus like to control their children after they are adults. This is a nightmare combination for a spouse's family, unless you can give them the boot w/ spouse's OK.