[Dan in Pasadena]

I'm third generation Hispanic, my wife of 20 years was white. My immediate family was parents and 6 & 8 year older sisters. All of us (of course) speak perfect English, no one is the stereotypical "chubby Mexican woman with the braids", my mother was a working professional woman, etc - just trying to give you the picture.

Are we close? Yes. Did we spend every weekend at my parents house? No, but we were there a lot I will admit. My wife came from a stereotypically distant family and would say so herself. She "loved" how close we were, loved being part of a nuclear family - her words. Somehwere along the line it changed.

Here's the deal - we got divorced after 20 years of marriage and my family WAS an issue for her. What was the issue? To this day 6 years later I'm not entirely sure, really!

Whatever the relationship of me to my family I can say this - it changed over those 20 years.... we spent less and less time with my family but in the end my involvement with my family became a loyalty litmus test. To the point that she didn't want to visit my family on Christmas Day even though they lived 15 miles away. Didnt want ME to visit them either. NOT seeing my mother on Christmas day? I don't think so. Was I wrong? Apparently....I'm divorced!

I am unbelieveably close to my grown children and they to my family still. They love their mother but think she "has issues" on this loyalty thing. Overall, I think I'd have been (possibly) better off marrying a hispanic woman, though I wasn't particularly attracted to them as a young man. Now? I don't know how to say this without sounding bad, but I am turned off by white women. I am still physically attracted to them, but if I were without a girlfriend tomorrow, I would NOT consider a long term relationship with one. Baggage? Yup! Bought an paid for! Not that it can't be done successfully, it just can't be done successfully by me...apparently!