[MRM]

I sat through two Chinese weddings in Beijing, one for my mother in law's side of the family, the other for my father in law's, without me fully understanding that I was attending my own wedding and not just a reception for the relatives. Our real wedding was in the US. I don't speak Chinese, so I just sat in the corner and smiled and said "how cher" (good food) whenever someone said something to me. The family was delighted with me and appears to still be so.

My point is that Chinese are extremely patient with Americans and will make allowances that will surprise you. The red pocket custom is old enough and complex enough that the younger generation takes some liberties with it. Just buy a bunch of red evelopes or cloth pouches at a Chinese store here in the US, put some Chinese currency in each one, and pass them out to the younger relatives you meet as it seems appropriate. Do not give the red pocket to someone who is older than you. Bring gifts or red pouches for all the younger relatives.

Shaking hands is a bit tricky. Shaking hands is getting more common, but is still as strange to them as bowing is to us. Some people just don't do it comfortably. Most people do an abreviated bow.

When you meet someone for the first time, don't stick your hand out with a big hearty hello like you would do in the US. Stand straight as you are being introduced, look at the person as the name is being given to you, then say Knee How (hello) and give a half bow with the head and neck. Let the other person initiate a handshake, but make your hands visible so that if they're inclined they can shake your hand.

You will be the guest, and Chinese have a thing about taking care of their guests. It will be hard for you to pay for anything. Be sensitive to this and don't insist on paying if someone else is firm. You will be given the chance to host a lunch or dinner. Ask around to find out where they would like to go, and have it there. Probably at one of the hotels there. Let me know if you need recommendations for Beijing. You can pay for that one, but count on the locals insisting on paying for the other dinners.