[imcarthur]

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:


8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite
thing!

11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:


Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt
me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly
on fresh meat,while the other inmates and myself are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly
clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust
them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, t hey merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I
must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow
-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicating with the guards regularly . I am certain
that he reports my every move. The captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe..... for now