Jeff, it's not something I talk about often (I imagine you understand) but I was just thinking about this myself over this past weekend...
I lost my Dad when to a heart attack when he was 48, and I was 12. Tomorrow would be his 56th Birthday. I'll be 20 in a couple months...time flies, it feels like yesterday.
It's SO, so interesting to think what would/could have been different. He got me into Porsches, and I think his death made me appreciate/like/want Porsches more. Perhaps it may determine my career (something with Porsches?). I also wonder if I would have worked as hard at school, done as well, or "gone the places I've gone." Before he passed away, he let me borrow his old Nikon and all his photography supplies, lenses, books, manuals, etc., and I got really into photography all the way through high school (and still am to a certain degree). Many people "pushed" me into playing sports in high school; if my Dad had been around, I don't think I would have played, for some reason.
I only ever knew him as a child, really. I can sit and think of him as a "man" because I know a lot about him, but it really is not the same as cracking a beer with him or going on a trip together. All my memories of him (well, mostly
) are very happy ones.
For some reason, your post inspired me to read Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You'll Go" again
.
You tell me if this makes sense, but I read it and thought it very poignant:
"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." -Carl Jung
I should toast a glass of wine to him tonight. To his 56th B-Day and a long, clear-arteried life.