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Thanks, all, for your candor.
Here's the deal: If it were simply a matter of forgetting about it and accepting the fact that my brother will receive a $200K windfall from my parents' estate, I could handle that. In the letter I sent them all, my first recommendation was to just make it an outright gift to him, file the returns and fuggedaboudit. But they decided it needed to be memorialized with the "note" my mom prepared. Keep in mind that its not enforceable and there is no mortgage to record. (And Berrata, the AFR at the time was around 4.6%)
Dropping it does not seem to be an option as it keeps getting brouught up by all of them implicitly or explicity with me in conversations not really related with this matter. And anytime we are discussing financial matters it is a cloud over rational discussion.
While I'm comfortable and totally self supporting, I'd be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind with what I could do with an extra $200K laying around even if I was paying 3% for the money. I wish my parents would just gift the damn money to him and move on. Perhaps I should continue to avoid the topic, but when I'm blunt about not wanting to go there they all misinterpret that I'm angry about this mess. For example, my mother was clearly feeling me out when she approached me and said "Well I guess we should just give you the same amount to make it fair." My response was to the effect I don't need it, it would be a blessing if they decided to do it, but ultimately its your money so do with it what you want. With that she defers and says "Well you know if your dad dies he wants you to get yours at that time." What am I supposed to do? Rejoice at my fathers passing Sheeesh. Guess they just have to deal with it.
I'm not so much angry with it as I am frustrated with what I know is coming when my parents die (assuming they predecease me) and having to deal with my brothers twisted logic and rationalizations.
Thanks for letting me rant. It is cathartic.
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