[M.D. Holloway]

As a public service, I shall share some observations and musings with any of the male sort on what to say and not to say to your spouse in the event that she has had to suffer a hysterectomy.

First off, she will not be in the mood for any sort of sexual activity:

What not to say: “Your mouth and still works don’t it? How bout a lil head?

What to say: “Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”

What not to say: “So how long till we can *****?

What to say: “Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”

Secondly, she will not be in the mood to do anything around the house including housework of any kind. In fact, she will be very sensitive concerning the cleanliness (or lack there of) of the house.

What not to say: “That short, wet thing – not you – is a mop, how bout push’n it around the kitchen. Damn floor is so sticky my socks are stick’n to it!”

What to say: “Sweetheart, I ran out of Pinesol, Windex, and Clorox Toilet scrubs so I have to go to the store to get more. Would you like me to pick something up for you while I am out?”

Thirdly, she will have limited to no patience for the kids.

What not to say: “Can ya watch these lil brats while I take the Targa out for a spin?”

What to say: “Sweetheart, I’m gonna take the kids to Putt Putt for a few hours. On our way home what would you like us to bring you for dinner?”

Remember, anything she says must, and I repeat must be answered with “Yes dear”. She will add at least 5 more minutes of yapping. Do yourself a favor and just listen and don’t say anything. When there is a pause, just say “Sorry Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”