[Zeke]

So far this looks like a very humorous thread.

Don't over water, is all I can offer. I know my plants well enough to know when they feel light when I pick them up (up to 6" pots) and then I'll water. For the heavier ones, you have to probe the soil. there is a moisture meter sold for this purpose. When you do water, water thoroughly so water runs out of he bottom. I sit water out in the sun in a can for a day before using it to let the chlorine evaporate. Clay pots dry out real fast; plastic and ceramic much more slowly.

Fertilize monthly 9 mos a year and set the plants in a tub of water once a year to completely saturate the soil and dissolve the salts that build up. Sounds like a lot of work, but it's just a routine.

Plants that have yellow leaves underneath have been watered too much. Yellow the at tips is too much salt. It's probably much more involved than that, but these measures work for me. Remember, plants are in the ultimate slow motion, so what you do sometimes doesn't really show up for weeks. A lawn is about the fastest growing and responding thing on the property. You can change a lawn from brown to green in 2 weeks.

Not so with house plants.