[Brian Cameron]

I take it you guys are talking about pissing red, but I've never had that experience. Maybe your kidneys are failing. You need to regularly flush them with scotch whiskey as preventative maintenance.

Now beet poops, that's another story... simply will not be deferred. Meeting with the executive VP's? Too bad, gotta go.

Good for cleaning the liver, too, according to my homeopath, who I would ordinarily dismiss as a witch doctor. Except that after modern medicine had utterly failed my wife and I in our attempts to conceive a child, her herbs and remedies resulted in two beautiful, smart and sometime pleasant and obedient children.

So if she says, eat beets, I ask, "how many?"