[sjf911]

My religiously challenged mind is struggling with this, so I want to get this right. If I strap on a bunch of explosives and go out and kill myself and a bunch of infidels in the name of Allah, I will be rewarded in heaven with 70 virgins for eternity. Sounds pretty good to a middle-aged guy looking at post-menopausal sex for the rest of his life. I have a few questions before I commit.

1. Who's sisters are they (or daughters for that matter)?
I certainly don't like the idea of my sister or daughter spending the rest of eternity with some hairy, smelly, un-educated, sand dweller with poor dentition.

2. Why do you need virgins if your pecker is in a million pieces scattered on the sand (your body as well)? I thought only your spirit went to heaven.

3. Does that mean that the women who have martyred themselves in the same way get female virgins as well? Isn't homosexuality a mortal sin in Islam?

4. Who gets to decide what defines infidels? I realize that any non-Muslim is an "Infidel", but they are killing more Muslims than non Muslims. I also realize that the Old Testament definition of murder was killing any Jewish person. The killing of a slave or anyone of non-Jewish faith was not considered murder. I assume this is the case for Islam.