[MRM]

I gave one for both my father and father in law. I speak in public for a living, but the best advice I had was from the minister at my father's funeral who said that no matter how many times a professional (he meant minister) presided over funerals without breaking down, it was not his family's funeral he was presiding over, and he should count on breaking down. And that a lay person should count on breaking down even more so.

This is the most important advice I can give you. Write out what you plan to say word for word. Don't bind yourself to giving the eulogy exactly the way you wrote it. Most of the time better words will come to you extemporaniously, but the fact that you have a word for word script ready for you in case you lose your place or your train of thought will give you great confidence and will make what you do say much more spontanious and more genuine because you won't be worying about what you're going to say next. Once you have the script written, boil it down to an outline so you can feel free to extemporize as the words come to you. As you give your eulogy, run your thumb down the script past the words you have spoken so that if you lose your train of thought you can look right down to where your thumb is and start reading without thinking. If you make a mistake or stumble, do not panic, take a breath, start over or move on to the next point as appropriate. If worse comes to worse admit that you are choked up and that words are coming hard to you at that point. Pause, consult your notes, compose yourself, and move on when you can breath again.

Second, if they will let you, stand right out in front of the congregation and address them from the foot of the stairs that lead to the pulpit rather than the pulpit itself, so you can be part of the audience. See if you can get them to let you use a microphone down there so everyone can hear. Also, they are probably recording the ceremony. If you speak into a microphone you will be recorded; if not, it will be dicey getting your eulogy on tape. If you can't use a microphone, yell louder than you think could ever be appropriate, and you will almost be loud enough for the deaf old couple in the back. The people in the front will not care that you were loud. Seriously, shout. If they can't hear you it will be as bad as if you said nothing.

Keep it short but meaningful. Be light in keeping with celebrating your uncle's life, but be somber and serious that he is gone. Give a brief intro about how you came to know your uncle and what he was known for. Tell two stories about how incorrible he was for whatever foibles he was known for. And end with a serious story about how you would always tell uncle about (fill in the blank) and now you can't believe he isn't around for you to share that with him anymore with the final thought that even though you are sad that he is gone, you have been blessed by the time you did have with him and are comforted that he is in a better place and that we will all be together when the time comes.