[Isabo]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh ...
immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman
to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
She replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the Stripper from my bachelor party that I
laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a
spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he
invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired
to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she
thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally
ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short
pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, Guido reaches for
the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it,
but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bedsheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and
asked again, You finish?"
Barely able to speak the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "
No, I Norwegian."

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a
bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid.
As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course
of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she
wants to come back to his place.
Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her
$200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short
of funds, she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again. Again he
orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will
sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only
too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy
comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid
thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some
more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia. - "Melbourne", he tells her.
"So am I. What suburb?" she enquires. "Glen Iris" he replies.
"That's amazing........." she says excitedly, "..........so am I - what
Street?"
"Cameo Street" he replies.
"This is unbelievable........." she says, her voice quavering. "What
Number?" "Number 20", he replies.
She is totally astonished. "You are NOT going to believe this........", she
screams, "but I'm from Number 22! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"
The original of that one can be found in Boccacio's Decameron! The old
jokes just keep going around.

A Roman emperour is inspecting the latest batch of captured prisoners who
are about to be selected for the arena or the slave market. He sees one who
is his double. The emperour calls to him: "you slave, was your mother ever
in Rome?"
The slave replies: "No, but my father was!"