[svandamme]

i've never been a fighter
whenever anybody tried to fight me, i usually get weak knees and shakes, and fight/flee was never a difficult choice, i'de flee, make a dash for it
i was small for my age, and really skinny
only grew at 17 and gained weight at 24

if they gave chase, and kept chasing, i mostly found a way to deck em quick and dirty, like make em run into my fist, foot or a 2x4 , not pretty, but got me out of trouble, wasn't about making the other hurt, rather then making the other stop chasing me
i'm talking hit punch in the plexus or throat, and then continue the dash
it's very effective, and i've never had anyone pick up the chase after one of those
then i'de be shaking for an hour after that and planning how to avoid any possible confrontation with whoever it was

but last year , i got into a very angry argument with my mother, after she did a no show when grandad was in the funeral home, and grandma got hit by the hammer over the reality of his death

i had been away and incommunicado with the family for 3-4 years, yet within 10 minutes after hearing he was on his death bed, i was going 200km+ for a 250 km drive over there

but she wouldn't show up when grandma was having the worst day of her life, her own mother who is the nicest person you can imagine(my mum is nothing like grandma)

her new hubby who i had never met, was butting in the argument, and after 3-4 times being told by me to back off and not interfere in the argument and excuses for her not showing up ( it was only half a mile from where she lives), i finally snapped, and in a flash i had my left hand on his throat, pushed him 5 feet back , against a wall and my right hand back and up ready to hit hard....

i just managed not to hit, told him one last time that he has no right to even address me
and walked off

scared the **** out of me, that i had been so aggressive

i had been badly stressed the week before at work, then grandpa's death, i hadn't slept much the days after, and snapped like i had never snapped before
this guy was bigger and stronger, but it didn't matter at that time,
don't want to imagine what i would have done if he would have even tried to move a muscle when i had him against the wall.
so, i guess when i'm stressed, and pushed, there's enough instinct to fight

i don't like that idea much, i hate the idea that lost it, and nearly lost it enough to do real damage