[johnco]

radiation doc told me yesterday that I was the second person he has ever treated that didn't get a feed tube. some other idiot from my home town tried it also. I wasn't offered this option, had no idea I might need it. so, tomorrow another chemo and I'll know in a week or so if I can handle it any longer with out the tube. It came to the point where ending the pain was another option. coming from a guy that's seen his own bones, had his arm hanging by a few threads of tissue, most of his calf muscle hanging down his leg, had blood spurting across the room more than once, wires, metal fragments and needles sticking out of his eye, second, third degree burns, couple inches of knife blade inserted under the kneecap..anything you can imagine happening to someone has happened to me at one time or another... this was pain I'd never wish on anyone.. and my hair is falling out in clumps now. that might be the part I dread the most..