[Wrecked944]

UPDATE: Well, it turned out my problem was not asthma. My xrays came back and showed extensive Congestive Heart Failure. Yikes! So I went directly to the ER and, after many tests, they concluded that my heart has been profoundly damaged by something. It isn't yet clear what caused the damage. I am about 30 years too young to have CHF. Plus I don't smoke or drink and I was very aerobically active until just two months ago. So it is a mystery. The doctors say it is possible I had an infection which damaged the heart. They also strongly suspect it may have been an inherited defect. Unfortunately, I was told almost no details of my family's medical history. So I can't offer any clues to go on. But the result is that my heart is pumping at just 10% volumetric efficiency. Yes, 10%. I made the doctor repeat that number about a dozen times just to be certain.

10%

So anyway, I was rushed in to the ER and wired up for sound. They poked a zillion holes in me and drew gallons of blood and ran every test under the sun. But still no cause has been found. They concluded I did not have a heart attack or stroke. They viewed my heart and found no coronary disease of any kind. My cholesteral and blood sugars are all excellent. My arteries are wide open and clear. So the cardiac team dubbed me the "Mystery Patient".

But regardless, the damage is done and it is, apparently, catastrophic. I am on a cocktail of drugs right now to keep me alive and to control the symptoms. So my short term prognosis is good. But for some unexplained reason, the doctors seem to feel that my long term prognosis is grim. When I asked what can be done to repair the damage and improve my heart function long term, one doctor actually said, "I'll pray for you". Somehow I think Dr House would not approve.

I must confess I am not sure how to process the grim news. I know people live for long periods with CHF. But "living long" for a 90 year old might be different than "living long" for a 41 year old. If "living long with CHF" means I get to have another five years stuck in a hospital bed, then I'm not so sure I want to play along. And the hardest part is that I am no longer allowed to participate in most of the activities I used to enjoy. I'm no longer allowed to go to the gym, I can't race autocross anymore, I can't play in rock bands, can't work on my house, can't do yard work, I basically can't do anything strenuous. At present, I'm not even allowed to carry my own groceries. The doctors made it clear I need to adjust to the idea of a greatly dimished quality of life from now on - and not necessarily a long life. And I find this very emotionaly hard. That's because I am not naturally a happy go lucky guy. I am mostly a sad person who finds little pleasure in living. Hell, the only reason I am still alive at age 41 is that I am too much of a coward to seriously pursue the alternative. So every bit of happiness that is taken away is a major and irreplaceable loss for me. Before I had CHF, I wasn't terribly excited about being alive. Now the future appears positively loathesome.

But anyway, I need to thank you all for the advice. This journey has been strange and frightening and every little bit of advice is greatly appreciated. This is the only internet community I participate in. And that is not an accident.

BTW - I want to especially thank Pelican member livi for his advice. When my asthma meds failed to improve my condition, he urged me to take other possibilities seriously. And so I got the xrays done quickly. Had it not been for his advice, I probably would have waited much longer before getting the correct diagnosis and receiving the necessary treatment. I am certain it was "Dr livi's" advice that allowed me to drive myself to the hospital in my red 911 instead of arriving in the back of an ambulance.