Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena
In my opinion, there is a difference between hovering and being close. Of course, this is a self serving distinction if you are a parent and you don't want to think of yourself as a "hoverer"!
Plus, there's an ethnic component to this "issue" which isn't addressed by this article.
My 25 year old daughter & 26 year old son live 75 miles and 35 miles from me respectively. We are hispanic. In the traditional hispanic culture (I am 2nd generation, they are obviously 3rd, but their mother is Anglo) families tend to stay much closer than traditional Anglo families; at least this has been my experience from observing my exe's family for 25 years.
I "text" back and forth with my son daily. I probably talk to him once a day; 75% of the time he calls me. We are both avid Dodgers fans so it'll be, "...do you think we'll go after ARod" or ""Hey, what do you think of the new Z06" or "Explain how to cope crown molding to me" etc. We have always been very close. When he was a boy he went with me everywhere until middle school. Even in high school I went to all of his baseball and waterpolo games and whatever else he was doing. Am I hovering? Sounds like Legion would think so
With my daughter I text or talk to her maybe once or twice in a week. I do not have a thing to say about my adult children's lives unless they ask for advice or help.
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How many times have you called their colleges, bosses, landlords, etc. to solve their problems? How many times have you directed your kids that they must do these things? Or do you let them learn their own lessons after making suggestions? That is where I draw the line on hovering.
In college, I started freshmen year rooming with my best friend from high school. Living with him he was a completely different person than hanging out in high school. He called his mother 3-5 times a day and wrote 2 letters a day. He would go on a date that lasted an hour, and spend 3 hours on the phone with his mom dissecting it in excruciating detail. This kid would not do ANYTHING without his mother's approval. He would even call her to tell her that he was going to dinner so not to call until he got back--and we had an answering machine!
The lady who sits across from me at work has two kids in college. She calls each at least once a day from work. I've heard her tell kids to go to professors and demand an "A" for their work. She may not be contacting the school directly, but she is running the show.
There is a big difference between being friends with your adult children and running their lives.