[Dueller]

You guys have been a source of great info on my new role as a step-dad. So please don't flame me on this one.

One of my 16 y.o. (soon to be 17) step dtrs has befriended a young guy from her church. He has been going thru some troubling times (his twin bro recently attempted suicide) and compassionate as she is, dtr has become a confidant. Problem is he is 21 (an immature 21) and though a nice guy, I can see he is becoming infatuated/attracted to my step dtr. Our clear rule has been no more than a 2-3 year age difference for dating. Of course, she is flattered by the attention of an "older man" and on some levels realizes why the age difference is a problem for us. She even recognizes that if she were closer to his age she would not be interested in him.

We have discussed this with her, and while she acknowledges it will not work out long term she is conflicted about the type of relationship developing. She is clearly more mature than the average 16 y.o. but she's still a 16 y.o. 16 and 17 y.o guys are generally too immature for her...and there are few 18-19 y.o.'s that she's interested in.

Now its easy to say "nip it in the bud" but the conundrum is that if you forbid them to be friends he becomes that much more desireable. AND they become allies in the fight against mom and mean step dad. We have let her know that it is inappropriate for a number of reasons at this stage in her life to let this friendship go to a more intimate level...even pointing out to her that she is setting him up for a fall when she outgrows him.

Anybody dealt with this? What say you guys... Any suggestions for my "Come to Jesus" talk with this guy?