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One thing for sure, you can't use force or be heavy handed. As you recognize, the forbidden fruit is that much sweeter, and having a common cause/common enemy makes goofy young "love" that much stronger.
Kids are all different. You and your wife have to use whatever methods have been most effective in shaping her behavior in the past. I know what would work with my kids, but that really has little or no relevance to yours.
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