Quote:
Originally Posted by Kurt V
My 7 year old is out of control with everyone but me. . . . I know she knows how to behave properly because she always does what I want her to do.
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Actually, she doesn't always do what you want her to do, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this!
It sounds like when you are physically near her, she complies. But when you are not, she doesn't do what she knows she is supposed to. That's the problem with trying to control kids primarily with fear and punishment.
IMO that's an indication that she fears you, but doesn't fully respect you.
My suggestion: What I found worked best for me as a child, and now as a parent, was being raised in a way that I would never want to disappoint my parents. My kids are the same way. They don't "do the right thing" out of fear of any punishment, but they would not want to disappoint us (just like we would not want to disappoint them).
They have also been raised, from Day 1, to appreciate the joys of achievement. And many candid discussions about what type of person they want to become, and how they are going to get there. They do not have any desire to be seen as an "acting out" type of kid.
I think you need to try to figure out the root cause of why she is acting out, and try to address that. Also, you seem to have been controlling her by fear and punishment. I'd rethink that. It may seem to work, on the surface, but as you have found, it doesn't really work on a deeper level. And IMO is likely causing, at least partially, the behavior you are trying to stop. But there are also, certainly, other underlying causes causing her behavior, you need to figure that out before you can effectively fix it.