Wow, some great advice.
I probably wasn't too coherent in my first post but I'm not even considering marriage, probably ever. She hasn't brought that up but the long term commitment thing I know is important to her. I already gave up half of what I worked hard to acquire over the last 25 years. It goes to my kids if I don't spend it before I die on Porsches and Bikes (with pedals for now).
I have a buddy in San Jose who told me if I ever consider getting married again he would kick my ass.
Dan, what you said is maybe one of my big issues.
Quote:
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One of the things that (oddly to some) most attracted me to my girlfriend was that she did not "need" me. Oh, she needed me emotionally and physically too - especially at the beginning. But she had a life, a home, a successful career. She had friends and hobbies. I LOVED that about her. She WANTED me, didn't need me. Super attractive.
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When I first met her she seemed happy without someone, was on her own, applying to school and thinking about her second career after leaving the software world a few years back to take care of her dad who got sick. Now she's broke and taking care of her grandaughter full time. She doesn't have other friends but does have a good relationship with her siblings. I've talked to my therapist about whether she or anyone in her position who's a habitual caretaker can change and follow a path that is what they say they want. His advice is "not typically".
My point is she is happy with me and not making any demands. The physical part of our relationship is really, really good. I've had more great sex and intimacy in 9 months than in 20 years with my wife. However, the rest of her life is not something she's happy with or in a good position to fix. I want someone who has a full life that she is happy with whether I'm there or not. It's part of the attraction for me I guess.
Thanks, I have much to think about.
Anyone out there a perpetual bachelor and happy that way?