[WI wide body]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Check out these questions (supposedly real questions and responses) posted to an Australian tourism web site. Hilarious!

These are great!






> These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
> and the answers are the
> actual responses by the website officials, who
> obviously have a sense of
> humour
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have
> never seen it rain on TV,
> how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just
> sit around watching them
> die.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (
> USA )
>
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I
> follow the railroad tracks? (
> Sweden )
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots
> of water.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machin es) in Australia
> ? Can you send me a list
> of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and
> HerveyBay ? ( UK )
>
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo
> racing in Australia ? ( USA
> )
>
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
> south of Europe ..
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
> Pacific which does not
> ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every
> Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us
> when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
> ( USA )
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
> Ger-man-y, which is ...
>
> oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays
> every Tuesday night in Kings
> Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Ca n I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> ____________________________ ______________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk
> available all year round? (
> Germany )
>
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
> hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia
> who can Dispense
> rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
>
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU
> come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
> safely handled and make
> good pets.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
> Australia , but I forget its
> name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA
> )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called
> because they drop out of Gum
> trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
> underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with
> human urine before you go
> out walking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the
> fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the
> female population is
> smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
>
> A: Yes, gay night clubs.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (
> France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to
> contact the Girl I dated
> while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (
> USA )
>
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
> hour..
>
> ______________ ____________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
> ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

I liked the one about the hippo racing at Kings Cross. I spent three weeks there once on an easy assignment and I saw just about everything except hippo racing when the night life kicked in at Kings Cross. Only place I ever heard of that had a show where a dancer had sex on stage...with a guy she picked out of the audience after checking various crotches! (I did not make the finals I guess)