[john walker's workshop]

Milwaukee WI Bans Farting in Bars and Restaurants

AP (February 22, 2008) - Milwaukee, WI today became the first city in the US to ban the passing of gas in all of its bars and restaurants.

Mayor Tom Barrett, who previously championed the smoking ban, said, "The law will both make for a healthier environment and improve the quality of air for thousands of residents and tourists. We all know that the methane gas produced by passing gas is not only offensively odiferous and sometimes very putrid, but it can also be explosive and a threat to public safety. This legislation will go a long way to addressing this issue."

Not everyone is pleased with the new law, especially owners of Mexican restaurants, who feel singled out by the ban.

"What am I supposed to do?" asked Jose Garcia, owner of The Refried Beanery. "Am I going to have to take my major money maker( The local favorite "Double Beef and Bean Hot Buffalo Burrito") off the menu!? Not likely... This law is both ridiculous and unenforceable. I mean, how is a restaurant owner supposed to identify the offensive farter in a large crowd? Am I to go around the restaurant sniffing everyone's behind? I don't think so! Are people meant to start pointing at everyone else in the dining room when someone else cuts the cheese?"

Appropriately, the law will take effect on May 5, 2008 or "Cinco de Mayo" as it's known in Mexico. Warning tickets are to be issued for the first 90 days. After that, first time offenders will receive a fine of $100 and repeat offenders, will face a $250 fine. Restaurants will be fined $1,000 for non-enforcement.

"This utterly ridiculous law will only force people to go outside of my restaurant and stand in the street to fart," Garcia said. "They'll all be farting outside in front of my restaurant. It will virtually put me out of business! Who's going to walk through a nasty cloud of putrid fart stench to go inside my restaurant and eat? We've always taken pride in creating the farts that we are now going to be prosecuted for. You haven't heard the last of this from me, my family or my customers," he stated.

The Mayor said that the proceeds of the fines would go to the Fresh Air Fund.