[dhoward]

You can't. It's lose-lose as far I as can go.
I have a really good relationship with my wife's 14 year-old-son.
They will yell at one another for 1/2 hour at a time.
I very seldom have to raise my voice to him.
If I don't back her up, even when she's clearly in the wrong, I am an ******* for not supporting her.
I just take my lumps and move on. Even when I feel I'm doing the right thing.